WHAT’S  THE  REAL  PROBLEM?

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These questions and experiments are excerpted from Megan Johntz’s workshop on Creative Problem Solving. For more information on the full workshop, contact Megan at 314.378.3384 or by email at Megan@PsychToolBox.com.

            Often we solve problems only to find they come up again next week. At the end of life, people see fairly clearly what the real, underlying issues were, but when you’re 35 sometimes it’s difficult to see. Through a series of question and experiments, you can dig in and determine what the main issue is. Tackle that, and you’re likely to finish the issue -- actually solve the problem. In my private practice, I’ve seen hundreds of people who have been hunting down the wrong animal for years. Frustration, anger, sadness, feeling like they’re ineffective, they fall on my couch and ask, ‘Why isn’t it working?’ Taking a step back, asking what the real goal is, and finding the true problem, is the first step. Let’s take a look at some simple questions that can lead you to hunt the right animal.

            Ask yourself these questions. It also helps to write it down, even carrying that journal with you during the day, because realizations arrive at the strangest of times.

• What do I want to be when I grow up?


• You schedule an interview with God. What does The Big Guy say your purpose is in your job? in your family? in your community? Why are you here now?


• What was that experiment like for you?


• What was the first answer that popped in your head?


• How much time during your typical day do you spend on this primary goal/purpose?


• How do you get in the way of your own brain and neglect to see the  goal attained?                


• How does the chatter in your head sabotage your goal?


• How do you box yourself in? With that in mind, how can you temporarily alter restrictions to see more clearly?


• How do you get stuck in achieving the goals you've set for yourself?


• What benefits do I obtain by focusing on side issues? (Spend some time here, because there are usually quite a few.)


• What situation in life has forced you to solve problems creatively, use your resources, and examine your goals closely ?


• So now, what's the Real Problem? We often try to straighten chairs on the Titanic - solving the wrong problem. This leads to a reoccurrence of the problem, increase of other problems associated with not fixing it right the first time, lost time, energy, and definitely increased frustration. Through creative problem solving, your goal setting is more on target.

Experiment: (see if the goals you set, lock you into the solution you get.)

You are waiting for a bus, and once again you realize you don't have the correct change. What is the problem?

• how are you going to get the exact change before the bus arrives


• what can you do after you get on the bus without correct change


• how can you get there another way


• how can you make this trip later


• how can you prevent this from happening again

why do you procrastinate getting change made

What is the true goal?

• obtaining exact change before the bus arrives

obtaining change after you get on the bus


• getting to your destination another way


• making this trip later


• preventing this from happening again

learning how not to procrastinate

            If I have the goal of getting correct change before the bus arrives, I walk into a flower shop nearby and make change. What if the more beneficial goal was to learn how not to procrastinate? I have simply put a Band-Aid on the problem by not examining my goals closely enough to know the real problem, thereby coming up with a long-term solution.

            Ask yourself this question frequently: If I were not worrying about __________, what would issue would I have to face? For example, if I weren’t mad about him not taking the garbage out, what would I be mad at? Or, if I look behind the problem, what causal problem do I find? This question asks you to step back and analyze if you're working on the right goal instead of wasting time on side issues, and realizing when you’re 80 what issue really needed to be addressed.

 

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DEALING  WITH  DIFFICULT  CUSTOMERS The following is a brief look at some of the major points in Megan Johntz’s seminar, Snake Charming: Psychtools for Dealing with Difficult People. For more information, contact Megan at 314.378.3384 or by email: Megan@PsychToolBox.com.     TRY TO DIFFUSE Don't be a Perp      Perps refuse to take responsibility for their behavior      Perps refuse to notice the negative impact of their actions      Perps refuse to make restitution Prepare them well in advance of the bad news Stay ahead of them - anticipate, but stay mentally flexible Mirror their non-verbals and paraverbals Empathy galore (not sympathy)             WHEN YOU HAVE TO CONFRONT Preparation / rehearsal Timing      Day of the week is important      Time of the day is important      Pay attention to your mood and timing      Good news first? Humor Timing Humor backfires sometimes There is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness                                     RECOVER S.O.L.V.E. the problem Reality check to get perspective You may need to do some Anger Work so you don’t take it out on co-workers or spouses Self-care - take time for all of your basic 5 levels                                   Are you ever left searching for the best thing to say during a conflict, even hours after it's over? Megan Johntz has put together some simple Hip Pocket Phrases to provide some Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz - Relief for Conflicts in the Workplace.       Contact Johntz Presentations today and put Psychtools to work for your organization's success.

HARNESSING YOUR HABITS

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Psychtools for Every Day Success

 

Eat right. Exercise. Take Geritol Stop biting your fingernails. Be more organized. Work smarter. (Do I sound like your mother?) If I could wave my magic wand and you instantly changed every bad habit, and mastered every effective habit, would you take me up on it? Sounds like snake oil, doesn’t it?  And yet you got those habits somehow, right? You learned that annoying pattern of avoiding unpleasant tasks until someone’s screaming at you, or taking your gym bag to work once again, only to toss it in the trunk on your way to Wendy’s for lunch. What was your New Year’s resolution by the way? If it was to save money or lose weight, you’re in the vast majority. And you’ll still be in the majority on December 31st, 2000 when you take one more drink and promise to do better in 2001.

 

THE  HABIT  TRAP

Most people still struggle with habits that plagued them 20 years ago. It seems to be the human condition to struggle with all kinds of habits, from habits of the head (‘I can’t do that – what if I screwed up?’ or ‘There’s no way I can get all this done’), to habits of the hands (smoking, eating, etc.) Even sleeping poorly, procrastination, and forgetting are habits waiting to be broken.

Steven Covey in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People pounded it into our heads – habits make or break success. But how do you break the cycle? Or better yet, how do you gain the habits that lead to success? Covey set the destination, but we need a road map – concrete tools - telling us how to get there.

You have a natural ability to master habits. I know this because you’re human. And if you argue that point, you have bigger hurdles than mastering habits. Every human has habits. Even if you’re very unorganized, and like variety (or out and out chaos), you’re still a creature of habit. If you’re raising kids watch them. They thrive in a routine, almost deadly predictable environment, because on a very basic level we don’t like change. We realize life is loony and strange, and we’d like to know what’s around the next corner. The peephole in your front door helps reduce stress of the unknown: is it a land shark knocking, waiting to swallow me whole? Or is it my granny in pastel paisley coming to take me to tea? That’s why habits are necessary; they give us predictable, safe feelings of being in control of a little chunk of an otherwise loopy world.

 

THE  CHALLENGE

So are your habits controlling you, or do you use them to get what you want? In my seminar, Psychtools for Mastering Habits, I’ll teach you simple, do-able tools for breaking or creating habits, but you need some information first. Three quick tools to try before my talk: ask around, ask inside, and prioritize.

A client walked into my office and said, ‘People don’t like me.’ Hmmmm, I said. Why? ‘I don’t know. I’m nice to them. I say nice things. But people take a long time to warm up to me, and I’m often lonely.’ I stopped the session and asked permission to videotape. The next week that woman bounded into my office, hugging that videotape. ‘I never knew!’ she said. No one had ever told you?, I asked. And she reported remembering several times, even in grade school, when people had commented on it, but she had dismissed it. The video showed it: her natural, resting face was a cartoonish scowl. Her habit of frowning had drawn lines in a relatively young face, and she still didn’t realize her insides and her outsides didn’t match – she was coming across as a spinstress schoolmarm, even when she felt happy inside! Other people will sometimes tell you your bad habits, or comment on the habits you need but don’t have. It’s our fault for not asking, and not listening when the information comes. Try this experiment: ask three close friends or family members what three habits you need to master, and which three habits get in your way.

One client of mine hated a co-worker, and spent a lot of therapy dollars venting and strategizing ways to deal with this difficult person. I noticed she had a common habit of not looking at me when I was giving her difficult feedback. She would look away, pick at her hands, or even close her eyes. I asked her if she looked at this difficult co-worker, and she responded, yes – of course. I asked her to watch. She thought I was odd, but I am so that’s okay, and she went away.

The next week she came through the door with a sheepish grin, and said she found it very difficult to look at someone she was in conflict with. Ah, ha! What do you lose when you don’t look at someone? You lose all the subtle non-verbals that make up (depending on who you read) 85 – 90% of all communication. This difficult co-worker had a very shrill, parental voice, but her non-verbals were kind and compassionate. My client took the challenge of simply changing the habit her eyes were in, and she reported becoming friends with her adversary in a few weeks. My client wasn’t even aware of her habit to avoid eye contact in difficult situations, until an outside observer pointed it out. Ask people who will tell you the truth about your habits.

Ask inside is similar, but you become your own video camera. Watch two things: your thoughts, and your actions. Some people like to keep a short journal at the end of the day, capturing thought and action, so they can see patterns emerge. Also, ask yourself what three habits you want, and which three you’d like to leave behind. Then take one habit a week, and just live life watching to see how things would be different if you enhanced or erased that habit. Don’t change anything; just contemplate how life would be better. I’ll tell you in the seminar why this experiment has actually helped you change and you didn’t even know it.

         Prioritize. You can change any habit in 21 days, but there’s a catch: you can only work on one habit at a time. So take a look at the information you gathered from outside sources, and from your internal study, and pick the top five. For overachieving, type-A folks, this may be distasteful, but if you are in the habit of overwhelming your schedule, maybe that’s one of the first habits to tackle! Don’t set yourself up to fail by taking on more than the human brain can handle. Try to change every habit you have, and your brain will blow up. That’s fairly messy, plus my liability policy doesn’t cover audience’s heads blowing up.

 

THE  END  -- UNTIL THE SEMINAR

Will you be a perfect person after the Mastering Your Habits speech? Probably not. Will you walk in with the great pre-tool of slid data about your habits, and walk out with concrete tools to change those you don’t want and master those you need? Definitely. Your habits often define you; they can make or break careers and marriages. They’re slippery little buggers, so join me in the quest for habit mastery, and we’ll learn how to make them serve us, instead of being slaves to another broken New Year’s resolution.

 

Contact Johntz Presentations today and
put Psychtools to work for your organization's success.

HABITS FOLLOW-UP ARTICLE

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Why am I writing on Habits again? Just to be ironic? No; if you’ll remember from the March meeting speech, the basics of habit mastery are STOP - ERASE - REPLACE. You simply keep stopping the bad habit until the replaced behavior becomes habit. So this FOLLOW-up article is my way of reinforcing good habits – a way of reminding you of the simple tools that lead to powerful habits, instead of destructive ones.

STOP: whether it’s a thought in your head ("I’ll put that aside and have time for it tomorrow"), or a behavior (stress-eating, nail-biting, or smoking) kick it out of your life. It’s your head – you get to decide what’s in it and what’s not. And they’re your hands – a ghost didn’t possess your body and make you eat 26 Oreos. Use the 1960’s technique of Thought Stopping, and when you catch yourself engaging in funky mental gymnastics or old, unwanted actions, just say no. Literally. In the 60’s, therapists taught people to scream out loud, "STOP!" Well, we’ve all mellowed a little since then, so just say it to yourself. Stop! As many times as you find yourself thinking or doing any unwanted behavior. Like a stubborn child, your head and hands will take a little while to learn who’s boss, so keep at it. It takes about 21 days to lose a bad habit, or create a good one.

ERASE: use any visual you want – see the unwanted thought on a blackboard and erase it with a comically huge eraser. See yourself smoking on a tiny TV screen, in black and white with wave lines if you want, and then turn off the set. Actively erasing the image of old behavior helps speed up the new reality. You’ve heard to visualize your goals or else you won’t reach them, right? Same technique. In your head you can blow up that pack of cigarettes, strangle that Big Mac, or see yourself shredding your credit cards.

REPLACE: here’s the fun part. You get to do what you really want. We all have our ideal selves, and now you get to be closer to that ideal. So stop the old, erase it away mentally or actually, and then replace the thought or action with the good habit.

So, if you want to eat better the progression looks like this: the thought to eat that last donut at work pops into your head (of course! It’s the last one! And you’ve been good all morning, and you deserve it because you did such a great job on that report, and you’ll go exercise right after work, etc.). Yell at yourself: STOP! See yourself with giant, greasy donuts graphed onto each thigh. Put yourself in a bikini to make it better, and then see someone squeezing out the grease from the donuts. As it fills the room, your image disappears into the pool of liquid fat.

Then see yourself at your ideal weight and size, without that post-sugar and fat slump you’d have gotten eating the donut. You have tons of energy, because you’re eating the fuel your body was designed for – fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and protein for energy. You enjoy your figure, and how your clothes fit. All this takes under 5 seconds. Twenty-one days of yelling at yourself, seeing the old image drowning in fat, and inserting the new image of you, and you’ll eat healthier.

The catch: you can only do one habit at a time. So you may have to continue eating donuts while you quit smoking or procrastinating. I know, you’re really broken up.

 

 

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MOOD  MANAGEMENT

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SUCCESS UNDER YOUR SKIN

 

            The FOLLOWing is a short excerpt from Megan Johntz’ workshop on Mood Management for corporations and organizations wanting to improve their most valuable commodity - their people.

            Contact Megan Johntz today to put Psychtools to work building your company's success.

           A recent survey found 36% of WORKPLACE  VIOLENCE was caused by marital or relationship issues; 24% of WORKPLACE  VIOLENCE was caused by stress of the job or stress from co-worker strife, and only 18% of violent acts at work were due to being fired. American workers are often on the edge, and unskilled at managing their emotions well.

Those who have mastered their moods, are shining, and rising to the upper levels of corporate America, but there seems to be a huge gap between those people and the majority of employees in a given company.

Imagine the success of an organization able to say about each employee that he or she is emotionally mature, able to take criticism well, take responsibility for their mistakes, look for creative solutions benefiting the while company instead of becoming territorial for one department, and on and on. That’s the company able to survive and prosper in this fiercely competitive age.

So let’s take a look at what to do with these troublesome emotions. Pay attention to each tool you learn, for they translate into your family life as well as they do at work.

 

Feeling basics:

We are always feeling - 24 hours a day.

We are inherently capable of the full range of feelings.

Feelings are personal facts that become reports on our emotional state when shared.

Appropriate expression of feelings enhances intimacy in relationships.

Feelings don't kill, however not expressing feelings can.

We are each responsible for our own feelings and their expression.

There is no bad emotion in and of itself. What you do with that feeling when it comes is what either helps or hurts the situation, others, or yourself.

Trouble emotions:

anger

fear

sadness

 

Physiology of feelings

            Feelings are simply a chemical dump in your body, which in turn creates many physical and mental reactions that we have come to label with the terms “anger” or “happiness”, etc. These chemicals running around in your bloodstream do some very helpful things (extra adrenaline during a crisis helps you fight back or flee), but when misunderstood and mismanaged, they can build up and be detrimental to your very physical health. In the seven years or so that I’ve been studying emotions and health, I’ve run across many studies indicating a build up of these emotions - these chemicals - may be linked to serious health problems.

            The FOLLOWing list is simply what Megan Johntz has come across in seven years, so I’m sure there are other studies out there that I just haven’t had time to investigate. You probably have heard of some other physical ailment associated with anger, or depression, etc. So take my partial list, and then keep an ear open during the nightly news, as researchers are finding new correlations between emotional distress and physical health every day.

            As I write this, today a study was reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association citing childhood trauma - emotional scars from mom and dad divorcing or childhood abuse - making it more likely that person will smoke, and have a harder time quitting than someone who did not suffer major childhood trauma.

            Please remember back to your horrendous statistics class, and know that just because two things (i.e.: anger mismanagement and the growth rate of cancer) seem to exist together, it doesn’t mean one causes the other. We always need more research. So all of that said, the FOLLOWing is a list of studies I’ve come across that associate mismanaged feelings with physical ailments.

 

Migraine Headaches

Arthritis

Degenerative Joint Disease

Incontinence

Low Back Pain

Sleep Disturbances

Gout

Obesity

Higher Mortality Rate

Bulimia

Anorexia

Hypertension

Lupus

Upper Respiratory Infection

Epstein Barr

Large Bowel Cancer

Cardiovascular Disease

TMJ

Teeth Grinding

Irritable Bowel Syndrome

Culitis

Smoking

Alcoholism

Prescription Drug Abuse

Depression

Low Self-Esteem

Assertiveness Difficulties

Low Social Support

Panic Attacks

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Phobias

 

 

During the workshop, participants explore areas such as:

What do I do with anger, sadness, and fear?

How do I handle a co-worker who is definitely not managing his or her emotions well?

How do I teach my kids or encourage my employees toward emotional maturity?

Why would I not notice a feeling - learn to disconnect?

How can building self-awareness of anger, increase peace?

How can my head help my heart, which ultimately improves the work of my hands?

How can not waking up refreshed effect my emotions, and what are the top 5 tools for getting a good night’s sleep?

How does the food on my plate effect my emotions?

What’s all this I hear about light bulbs making me happy?

Does exercise really make me less stressed?

What’s the rule of humor? Is laughter really the best medicine?

 

 

Contact Johntz Presentations today and
put Psychtools to work for your organization's success.

 

TRANSFORMING  NEGATIVITY

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In the Workplace

 

 

The FOLLOWing is a short excerpt of the outline from Megan Johntz’s workshop on Transforming Negativity for corporations and organizations wanting to improve their most valuable commodity - their people.

For more information on the Transforming Negativity Workshop or Keynote, contact Megan Johntz at 314.378.3384, or Megan@PsychToolBox.com.

"The boy will come to nothing."

            - Jakob Freud concerning his son Sigmond

 

"He made a great mistake when he gave up pitching. Working once a week, he might have lasted a long time and become a great star."

            - Manager of the Cleveland Indians, Tris Speaker, concerning

                        Babe Ruth

 

"You ain't goin' nowhere... son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck."

            - Jim Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Pry when firing 

                        Elvis Presley after a performance in 1954

 

 

 

 

 

Effects of negativity:

Physical

headaches

backaches

stomachaches

itching

cold hands and feet

muscle tension

exhaustion

illness

Mental

irritability

forgetfulness

difficulty concentrating

depression

panic attacks

forgoing dreams and aspirations

          poor self-esteem

Behavioral

increased smoking

increased drinking

increased eating

increased drug use

poor eye-contact

poor productivity

absenteeism

increased arguments

lack of creativity

apathy

 

Where it comes from:

            family issues

            good economy

            bad economy

            jealousy

            competition

            low self-esteem

            pressured culture

 

How it spreads:

            mutual pathologies

            hierarchical systems

            hypnosis / norms

            defenselessness

 

 

THEM

(Understanding that Negative Person)

 

"Critics are the unpaid watchmen of my soul."

                - E. Stanley Jones, author of The Way

 

"To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."

               - Eleanor Roosevelt

 

 

Tool #1:

Understand the mind of the negative person:

            Often believe their criticism is helpful

            Often motivated by a simple desire to solve problems

            Often feel it is their duty to find something wrong

            Some see their criticism as merely 'letting it all hang out',

                    'being real', or 'expressing emotions'.

            Many were raised to be critical, apathetic, or confrontational.

            Some will create negativity if none exists.

 

I think ___________________________ does what she/he does,

because __________________________________________________

 

 

US

(AKA: Why doesn’t everyone have a problem with that person?)

 

Mental filters (counteract using Cognitive Restructuring tools)

Experiment:

The most negative kind of people to me are: 

______________________________________________________________

To me, conflict means: 

______________________________________________________________

My average response to negativity is: 

______________________________________________________________

My preferred response to negativity is: 

______________________________________________________________

 

 

tools

 

Cognitive restructuring

            read your head to find the lie

            find the opposite / evidence

            bombard your system with the new (the truth)

Face the critic within

            unknown double standard

            seeing yourself in others is uncomfortable

Wear their shoes

            background information

            assumptions

Try not to lose twice

            lose the gem

            learn about ourselves

Paraphrase

            calming & clarifying

            practice so no parroting

Permission to tune-out

            3-Critic Rule

            hip-pocket phrases

                        "I'm sorry you feel that way."

                        "Sounds like we have very different views on this."

                        "Thanks for letting me know what you think."

                        "I'm not willing to do that."

                        "Unfortunately, that's not a priority for me."

                        "I hear what you're saying."

My own hip-pocket phrases:

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

 

Use your support system

            de-toxing

            sort the information into major and minor

Verbal Judo (Pollyanna Warfare)

            point-counterpoint

            internal protection

Schedule negativity

            built in

            strategic flow

Hunt for the positives

            search for them - they are there

            set the tone - infect them

Go with the 'We can't..."

            gather information

            ask for their reversal

 

SCENARIO #1

            "We can't get that report out by Friday."

"We can't?"

            "No."

"Well it has to be done."

            "There's no way."

"I don't care what it takes, just get it done by Friday at 5:00."

 

SCENARIO #2

            "We can't get that report out by Friday."

"We can't?"

            "No."

"What's blocking it?

            "Well, X, Y, and Z."

"Hmmm. That's a good problem. I wonder what we could do?" (Strategic silence and/or "What's your best hunch?")

            "Well, I might be able to A, B, or C, but it would take

             more money."

"Good solutions. I like what you said about B, because that would definitely get the report done by Friday. Like you, I'm concerned about the hit to our budget."

            "Yeah."

"How can we keep the benefits of B, while reducing the risk of going over budget?" (Strategic silence.)

            "I don't know."

"Would you give it some thought, and get back to me..."

"Do you have 5 minutes to get a cup of coffee and brainstorm some options...?"

"Let's both come up with 3 ideas and get together again at..."

"I'm sure we can find a better solution than just having to force it down our throats."

 

Soft-spots

            self-knowledge

            boundaries

                        What areas of your life are off limits:

                                    at work?

with negative people?

                                    with the family you grew up in?

                                    with your family now?

                                    with friends?

                                    with strangers?

 

Boundaries - hip pocket phrases:

            "You may critique what I do, but please don't tell me how to improve my marriage."  (You may X, but not Y.)

            "Right now, that's not an area I want to discuss."

            "That's a real soft spot for me. I'd appreciate it if we could change the subject."

            "That's an issue I need to solve myself."

            "Would you be willing to/willing not to..."

 

Nonverbals

            eye-contact

            posture

            facial expression

 

Changing the subject

            picking a new topic

            cultural factors

 

When all else fails, duck!

 

 

 

 

Contact Johntz Presentations today and
put Psychtools to work for your organization's success.